John Jannuzzi

42 Completely Logical Reasons to Buy Flannel-Lined Pants

John Jannuzzi
42 Completely Logical Reasons to Buy Flannel-Lined Pants

By Liza Corsillo

Despite what seems like an ever-expanding universe of pants — stretchy, drop crotch, wide leg, pleated, skinny, spray-on, regular, slouchy, and this writer’s personal favorite: dress pants that look and act like track pants or sweats — most guys own fewer than four pairs of trousers which they keep in rotation nearly year round. So while your closet may be lined with varying weights of jackets and coats tailor-made for a precisely-timed three week slot in your style agenda, we’d bet your pants drawer is sadly not so nuanced. And as the cold dark winter of 2017 approaches, we feel some responsibility towards your chilly lower half.

What you need is a pair of chinos lined for sub-zero comfort, chinos that say “I made an effort” on the outside, but “I am wrapped in a plush blanket of warmth and relaxation” on the inside. Our Flannel-Lined Chinos and 5-Pocket Pants are still made of 100% cotton so they breathe, but these cold weather warriors also boast a 100% cotton flannel lining to keep your legs from going numb while you walk your dog or whatever. Actually, there’s an almost unlimited number of reasons you should give these pants a try. Here are 42 in no particular order:

  1. To keep your butt warm and slightly cushioned from the inevitable fall you’ll take while ice-skating.
  2. To give you an edge while lining up for movie tickets, concert tickets or your hype-beasty merch of choice.
  3. Because you quit smoking but you still go out for “smoke breaks” to get away from your coworker Stan, the close talker.
  4. Because you said yes to an ice-fishing invitation.
  5. So your pants cuffs can say something festive.
  6. Because you said yes to deep frying this year’s Thanksgiving turkey in your backyard, in Vermont.
  7. Because watching people play sports mysteriously doesn’t keep you warm like playing sports does.
  8. To save your nuts from becoming frozen nuts.
  9. So you can look satisfyingly on as your brother-in-law freezes his nuts.
  10. So you don’t have to stop biking to work this winter.
  11. So you can go to work in pajamas — or at least something that feels like them.
  12. So you can finally respond to the people asking if it’s “cold enough for you.”
  13. To give your legs, which really are the best part of your body, the self-care they deserve.
  14. Because you never liked long johns anyway.
  15. To help you concentrate on what really matters: your weekly amateur drone competitions.
  16. To save you money on cab fare.
  17. For those long walks on the beach you said you liked on your Tinder profile.
  18. Because you’re really committed to grilling.
  19. For the rare days when your flannel boxer briefs are in the wash.
  20. Because you joined a winter Quidditch club.
  21. To help you win a bet you made about not needing the trappings of this capitalist society that involves sleeping outdoors in November.
  22. Because you have a thing on Twitter where you live tweet what people say when leaving Taco Bell.
  23. Because the renovated loft you live in didn’t come with a renovated heating system.
  24. Because you never saw yourself as a zookeeper, but now that you are one, you won’t be the kind who just phones it in.
  25. Because you love eating roasted chestnuts on a chilly day. Especially when your chestnuts are nice and toasty.
  26. For perfectly styled Instagram photos, that you can’t always shoot on perfectly balmy days.
  27. To help you fight seasonal depression that’s only made worse, let’s be honest, by staying inside and inhaling sugar and carbs.
  28. So your legs can finally understand the allure of a Snuggy.
  29. Because you’ve always kinda felt a little like Elmo on the inside, but you didn’t want to be creepy.
  30. Because being a hot landscape architect means you sometimes have to actually work outside.
  31. Because you can’t control how short the days are getting, but you can decide how cozy they’ll be.
  32. So you can stay true to your ‘90s flannel roots even though you’re a stockbroker in 2017.
  33. To more fully celebrate your inner lumberjack.
  34. Seriously though, because cutting down your own Christmas tree doesn’t have to be painful.
  35. So you can still be a “Vespa Bro” no matter how cold it gets.
  36. Or, for doing a handstand out the sunroof of a limo while it snows.
  37. Or, for guys who literally drive a Flintstones car.
  38. Because you tried out some experimental leg hair grooming this summer but now your calves are freezing.
  39. Take them off at night and they double as sleeping bags for your twin boa constrictors.
  40. Because you were always jealous of your sister’s ballet leg warmers.
  41. Because your corner office is drafty.
  42. Because your best friend is a tiny horse who lives outdoors.

...so what are you waiting for?